Aly06

I am deleting my DA account. It has been real and I've made a lot of friends. Many that have helped me grow as a person. I've discovered so many things on DeviantArt that it is ridiculous. I've made lifelong friends, even if we hardly contact and life takes control of our lives, they are lifelong friends. No matter what, I enjoy the random contacts because it brings back memories. Anj, Preeti, Heeral, Kristine, Ai, all of you are the best. I learned so much from many places and people. Love you so much.

Life as I know it now, is moving forward. Maybe someday I will return.

Aly06 is no more. It needs to retire. I'm still taking photographs, still writing, and still drawing. It just won't be posted.

This doesn't mean that I will not lurk. I can't leave some artists that I just bow down to. *Jin Joson*

My account just needs to retire is all. So here is to another beginning. All my journals of my past. Every single tear and laughter I've encountered, wow - I never realized how much sentimental value this DA has. Tears, laughter, truth, secrets, fangirl moments, friendships, family, Naruto, Avatar, Twilight, JIN JOSON RANTS etc, it's all me, Aly06.

I went through a lot and overcame so much. It's hard to even read past journals but they are there and I am me. Without DA and the people I met it would be impossible, without FFnet it would be impossible too. GOD it's just so awesome how much fansites changed my life. Fate is always a funny thing, so is destiny.

So long, for now.

Alicia

<sub>I think I've gained another unhealthy obsession...

I've been google-ing, wikipedia-ing, youtube-ing, everything that ends with -ing...
SS501 (Double S 501).
I don't think I've felt this much overwhelmed of I-must-know-EVERYTHING-about-them-obsession.
Maybe it only happens in the Summer...god help me. Who remembers my past obsessions...

*remembers*

*last summer 08*
OMGODAVATAR!!!&&JONAS BROTHERS!!!!
*end of flashback 08*

*summer 07*
OMGODDDDSASUKE&&&NARUTOCHAPTERS!!!
*end of flashback 07*

*summer 06*
OMGCOLLEGE!!!&&HARRYPOTTER!!!!
*end of 06*

Oh god, why don't I ever change! I'm like a fangirl that doesn't shut up! I hate my obsessions, I learn everything about them and move on to the next thing. But on the bright side I gain useless information and secretly every obsession has a back story to it.

Wait no- I love this "current" obsession and SS501. If they come to the U.S. for sure I'll get tickets to see their concert. And scream my head off for Kim Hyung Joon and Kim Hyun Joong...mostly Kim Hyung Joon...and a little more for- well okay you get it. I'm hooked. I blame my vacation on this. It happens every year, it's like a tradition. Who else goes through this besides me? Any stories people would like to share?

Now for serious

BUT on the side note, I have finally obtained a job. I-Hop and serving my customers. I've been called the cheerful and cute server. Pshhhh I think I smile way to much when I pour people coffee, I'd be freaked if I served myself with this smile that says, '*Please give me an awesome tip' all over my face. No, but I do enjoy my job (surprisingly). The people I work with are nice and entertaining, I have gradually learned to talk crap to the cooks, it's fun. I have fun? Wow, seriously I've never felt happy at a part-time job before, well besides from the library, I-Hop is fun.

Summer is almost gone and I've made many memories. I've taken time away from my blog to work and I still need to update on my JB concert experience. Which was unforgettable. That whole day was glorious. (More on here ---> aliciaemilia.blogspot.com/)

I've also worked on a few songs, I want a Gibson bad. My goal is to be known in a year, have my name out there somewhere. I'm gonna be 21 and I need a goal and I'm determined to set this.

Side note: I want to play onstage and such but I'm not ready. I feel my lyrics are missing something though, as if a piece of me isn't present. I have the emotions in my heart and mind but writing them are different. For some reason I grow afraid to write them. Weird. That's what I would like to call, denial with a bad case of writer's block.

Tomorrow since I have an off day I'll be updating my blogger with pictures of stuff.

Speaking of pictures, my photo shoots are total busts since everything didn't go according to plan. Kris, Sarah and I have been busy doing our own thing lately we haven't had time to breath, plus graduation is around the corner for all of us. That is what scares me, the future. All three of us have talked about the future constantly but knowing we will be walking yet "another" stage, is frightful.

It's so unknown, recently I was told, "What do I have in mind for the future?"

I reply with, "In all honesty, I don't know. The future is always changing in my mind, one day I'm at this point, the next I'm at another. For everyone I believe it's like that. The typical college student never knows what they want, and when they do it's questioned. So I do not know about my future, all I know is I will follow where ever I go. If the road leads this way I will follow, if it doesn't, it doesn't. Right now, I want to enjoy life and set all my talents on a platter for people to see. I want to be known and be happy. That's my future. Life is too short to think of the future anyways, so I like to think about the present also."

And I get a weird look after my monologue.

Because my friends, readers, DA'ers, etc (who ever has known me and read my blogs) how many times has my future changed in these blogs. If you count or remember, how many?? I get inspired instantly, I'm like a chameleon changing it's colors because of it's surroundings.

When I read past blogs I was totally lost in life and didn't even want a life. I met a wonderful person (by chance and odd fate) who changed my life and I love her very much. Even though we hardly have late-night till mid-morning chats, friendship like ours doesn't need a lot of words. She knows I'm shipping her Strawberry Hi-C like I promised, plus that Big Red she's been wanting to try. (Plus my comp and her comp suck as of late so e-mails are all we have).

When I met her I met another amazing person (whose writing was hilariously amazing) and it grew from there, needless to say I do love them. They know it, I constantly remind them how much they mean to me as friends and supporters. From ceramic cows, sasusaku moments, jenn and her awesomeness, to all those memories. <3

*end of moment* I hate being sentimental it's annoying 'cause I try and act brave. It's really a laugh at myself.

I went from wanting to get out of life to wanting to pursue vet-med (again), med, creative writing, English, teaching, kinder teacher, High school teacher, photography, fashion, photography, creative writing, vet-med, fashion photography, med, and back to creative writing and photography.

My life is always dramatic and ever-changing. I feel I'm still young and there is a lot of life to live. Like I said in a past journal if I become whomever *insert here* I'll be happy. I want to be happy, someday I hope to actually travel to Japan, drive to Boston, visit Preeti in New York, go to the Philippines to see Anj (and Jin), all those dreams I want.

Past Journal
"I'm already going to be 21, that number is a big deal so before I'm 22 I must have my name out there, anywhere. It's already too late but the public will know who Alicia Espinoza is. Whether it's the novelist, guitarist, photographer, magazine editor, parent of so-and-so's child because he/she is causing trouble, wife of whomever I marry, or student. I'll become someone, I know I can do it, I feel it."

Back in the day I never thought I would stay up in the middle on the night watching Korean dramas with my mom. Never in my life did I believe we would bond, but we are. It's great. We laugh and she is now addicted to Korean dramas like me, Gossip Girl, and just having fun. Although, my father and I still have differences (we're too much alike) he still provides when I don't want him to. My pride gets in the way of being thankful for him sometimes.

My writing and poetry was so depressing and sad I can't believe it. I fell so bad from reality because of situations I am blessed to be back on top. But I believe it's thanks to advice from others that got through my head. The countless supporters and such. It's thanks to them I'm writing a blog. Even if it is insignificant I think everyone has fallen down once or twice. It's when you get back up and think about it a year or two, you realize how foolish you were.

Still I go to school in Iowa, never dreamt of that, becoming an R.A. and changing my residents lives. Just as my R.A. and friends have, I want to change some one's life also. If I can do that, I'll be satisfied. I've learned that the little things are the best. That even when you feel that you've hit your lowest, it passes. Things happen for a reason and everything has a way of working itself out.

It's amazing how much I've grown, I'd like to believe I have. Even if it is a little bit, I want to grow. Be mature when times are drastic but also immature when I want to be. Laugh a lot and cry very little. I'm happy, really and truly am.

Many people have changed me and given me advice. Some walked out of my life without even a warning. I thought I was in love once, twice, a few times...but I'm over it. I'll find a guy who loves me for me. It's so weird, like a weight has lifted off of me or I've just had an epiphany.

Going through old letters and diaries really help. Tearing rejection letters and using them as material, priceless. Thanks boys for those, you changed me a little bit too. I might not be a sexy-knock out like I or you want me to be, but I'm still pretty awesome. Inside I feel different, I think I have to hand it to the rejections and failed "dates" it had me realize something, I love being single. Ha. For now, at least.

Some days I feel as if I'm an insignificant person who doesn't know what she thinks or knows. But on nights like these when I tell myself to shut up and be grateful I realize how petty I am.

So I guess I leave with this, life is grand until is sucks again. Joking.

I'm pretty comfortable. This Summer I am changing into a better person. Sometimes I feel like something great is going to happen. But like the future that is unknown. It makes me smile though.

And like SS501 I got to keep fighting!
Gotta hand it to them, they are HOTHOTHOTHOT talented.

P.S. Excuse the erros, not gonna fix them tonight.</sub>

<sub>>>>>Check out the blog aliciaemilia.blogspot.com/

I can't believe how many dramas I have consumed over the last week. Korean, Mandarin, Japanese, ETC dramas have taken over my nights. They are amazing (and I thought the Gossip Girl addiction was bad) this is worse.

-Boys over Flowers (Boys before Flowers) both Korean and Japanese
-Tokyo Juliet
-1st Shop of Coffee House Prince
-Hotaru no Hikari
-Shining Inheritance
-1000 liters of tears (still in the process and yea it's making me cry)

That is a lot considering they are hour long. I need to have this on the tube, if only I lived in places where my dramas existed. But online has been very good to me.

I recommend the Korean Boys over Flowers take, it is amazzziinnngg. It made me cry, laugh, cry some more, laugh, and just plain CRY. I swear my pillow was my tissue. Hotaru no Hikari did produce a few tears but not until BoF. I now have an obsession I must read and have about this over and over till I get sick of learning about Korea, languages, and music. But BoF is now my highly ranked drama,

T-max and SS501 that's all I gotta say. I haven' felt this invigorated since...never. 'Fight the Bad Feeling' is a great song and gives you an understanding that the person is in love but doesn't want to stop being in love. It's basically saying that the heart is bad for forgetting the love.

Now I'm off to bed after a long day no drama tonight though. Tomorrow maybe.

Oh, interview tomorrow for a job. Wish my luck. AND Dallas next weekend for the JB concert!!!</sub>

<sub>Today was a glorious day, relaxing. My mother and I do have a bond at times and as the distant and such so does this "bond." (Speaking of bonds wtf on Naruto, dude. SRSLY!?! Although I think the highly anticipated SasuSaku moment is approaching. Come on Kishimoto you old man! FANSERVICE!!!)

I mean, back to the serious topic...

Maybe this is part of life that is left to understand when there is a growth present.

May I say, The Academy is...'Fast Times at Barrignton High' is a C.D. people must listen to. It radiates a nostalgic sense that releases the memories you placed in the back of your closet. High School was definitely something else. (Glad it's over, though I feel I've missed alot in my time, I sound like an old person...)

Tonight I felt like rambling.

The Lasagna was amazing and Gossip Girl was a grand finish. The mom and I can not get enough of it.

Well all is well tonight. Sleep tight.

Oh and there will be a small acoustic performance coming soon for a friend (it's surprise)! I'm excited, should I even call it an "acoustic performance"...? I'll be doing a few covers and originals. This will be a moment to get my feet wet again and not turn back cause my guitar needs to breath. Who knows what the future holds anymore. All I know is that if I want to do anything in life I will display all my talents and opportunities on a platter for others.

I'm already going to be 21, that number is a big deal so before I'm 22 I must have my name out there, anywhere. It's already too late but the public will know who Alicia Espinoza is. Whether it's the novelist, guitarist, photographer, magazine editor, parent of so-and-so's child because he/she is causing trouble, wife of whomever I marry, or student. I'll become someone, I know I can do it, I feel it.

This Summer will not go to waste. I don't want it to, I want it to be memorable.



Night.</sub>

<sub>This is the Summer. I can feel it.

There's something good that's gonna happen. I might just know what it is.

I'll get your recognition, I can feel it and I'm excited.</sub>